Here's me, trying to be optimistic

Eric and I found out on February 12th that we are expecting! We were trying to keep it quiet until we saw our little dinosaur on an ultrasound, but it somehow got out to the whole world. Here's hoping everything works out and I don't have to untell the world...

How far along? 9 weeks 3 days
Weight gain/loss: No clue. I don't go back to the doctor for another 2 weeks and we don't have a scale... My pants don't fit right and I have gone a notch (almost two) bigger on my belt, but that, my friends, is baby bloat.
Maternity clothes? I bought some nice nike capri workout pants that are elastic in the waist. I don't think I'll be brave enough to buy maternity clothes until I know Rex will continue to grow
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep? Yes, please!
Best moment this week? The one day I felt sick.
Movement: Not yet. But I think every now and then the baby presses on a nerve or something because I feel a pinch
Food cravings: I see food, I crave it
Gender: No idea.
Belly button in or out? Still in.
What I miss? My symptoms... Nausea mostly. It was the only thing keeping me sane...
What I am looking forward to? April 12th... and then April 16th. Hopefully everything is great
Milestones: Making it past 6 weeks... then 7... and 8... Every day is a milestone to me
What I'm nervous about: Another loss.

Sensitivity Training 101

I know by posting about our recent loss, I opened the door for insensitivity and really shouldn't be surprised. But somehow I am and I figure it's time to set things straight. I don't want anyone that has tried to make me feel better to feel like they did something wrong, this is more for those people who fail to recognize my loss... or use it to their advantage. First and foremost, if you are a parent and your daughter/son have experienced the loss of a baby (regardless of it being born or not) it is NOT okay to totally ignore that it happened. All I ask for is a simple "how are you doing?" You don't have to ask me about it, you don't have to try to make me feel better, just show that you care about me. Second, if you are thinking that you may be experiencing a loss, CALL A DOCTOR. Or google it... Don't ask ME what it was like... I don't want to share the gory details of my loss with you. There are so many resources online that give you wonderful information about when you should start to be concerned... And usually you shouldn't be concerned until you have these symptoms AFTER getting a positive pregnancy test. Just sayin'.
I'm a door mat. I let people do this to me ... I pretend that everything is alright and that I would love nothing more than to share my not so wonderful experience with someone who thinks maybe they might be experiencing the same thing. It is not fun. It is not something I want to tell you all about a few weeks after it happened. It's much easier to type out the details than to hear yourself say things. I still cry when I have to tell people that we "lost the baby." Hearing it come out of my mouth hurts way more than thinking about it.
Unfortunately, no one understands how it feels unless they experience it first hand. I wish that upon no one. It is not something I want you to know first hand. But hopefully this helps give you a little understanding... maybe...

I guess it's been a while

I'm afraid to even look at my blog and see how long it's been since I have posted anything... Oh right, August...

Well, life has been rather exciting since then, I think. Mostly November-Now has been interesting. I was sick for a while. First I had the flu, then I had a cold, then I had laryngitis. The week I found out I had laryngitis was also the week I found out I was pregnant. (Don't get too excited yet...) I went to the ER after a work related incident, we'll just refer to that as "The Incident," you don't really need to hear the details. Before the doctor could prescribe me any pain medicine, he made me pee in a cup. Well, I was told I could only take tylenol because there was an embryo in there. That was a pretty exciting day for us. We went to Shannon's house warming party that night and just couldn't stop being the happy knocked up couple. The next week was Christmas, how exciting.

Christmas eve was GREAT. I say that with a LOT of sarcasm. We went to my dad's for dinner. I told him two weeks before that Eric was closing so we wouldn't be there until 6:30 or so to which he said "We're thinking 6 for dinner anyway" Great! So for a whole two weeks I thought everything was going to work out. Two days before he sends me a text and says "dinner is at 5" Thanks... I'll be sure we're there to eat the cold food... or what's left of it.

The next day was Christmas. I had been spotting the day before which I kept reading was normal... it's normal it's normal I need to relax. Well, Christmas morning it turned from brown to red .. :-/ So we went over to my mom's really early because I needed to keep my mind of it. It was only a little bit... We had a fantastic day with the family despite my constant worry that something was wrong in my uterus. Eventually I lost it and started crying on my mom. I hate crying, especially in front of my family... or anyone for that matter. UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!! When we got home I discovered that it was probably over... the week of excitement had come to an end... I will spare you the gory details, but I was pretty certain that it was NOT normal.

The next day, Eric went to work but I was an emotional mess and stayed home. I cried myself to sleep and I cried myself awake that day... I called my mom and told her what was going on and she came over to be with me. Then, I had her take me to the ER so I could get checked out. Ugh I cried and then I cried some more. They did an exam, blood work, and ultrasounds. It was the longest wait ever. I was continually told by the medical professionals that it was nothing either of us did... before we even had a solid answer. After about two hours or more of waiting the doctor finally came back. I heard him outside the room ask if this was his "little girl." I thought it was cute that everyone in the hospital thought I was a little too young to be pregnant... They asked how old I was so many times... LOOK AT THE DAMN CHART I'M 21! AND I'M MARRIED! Anyway...

He came in and gave me the news. My hCG was "barely positive" and the ultrasounds were completely negative... So either my dates were really off (I'm a psycho about aunt flow and I ALWAYS Know when she was here last) or we most likely lost the baby. Again, it was nothing either of us did. I was encouraged to keep my OB appointment that I had scheduled for 4 days later to have them run another blood test to make sure my hCG was going down. For the next four days I cried a lot... and I thought to myself, maybe they missed something? Maybe the tests were wrong?? I'm sure any woman who has experienced this has had the same thoughts. Well, I went to the doctor on that Tuesday and I guess the doctor in the ER didn't do anything wrong. Except he didn't tell me that my hCG was only 8... For those of you who don't know about hCG, it's a pregnancy hormone. Anything above 5 is considered positive. This is the hormone that your pee sticks are detecting. hCG levels are supposed to double every 48 hours. So, mine should have been MUCH higher at 6 weeks pregnant. Maybe because I looked so young the doctor thought I was only 6 minutes pregnant... I'll spare the gory details of the OB appointment... but she did run the blood test. The next day I got the call that my hCG had gone down to 2, so I guess my body was doing the right thing. Yay? We were told to wait one cycle to try again... so here we are waiting... It's agonizing. I don't think I've ever been this anxious for aunt flow to visit...

Other than that... our lives have been uneventful.

Jessi and I are planning a super secret trip for our mom in March! We are super excited for it... But we're not telling you where we're going ;)

SO D*MN LAZY!

There are so many things that I need to do but I just don't feel like it...

1) Clean my office. If you saw the photo I posted of my desk on facebook, that's only part of it. This place is a mess... but I just don't feel like cleaning

2) Clean the kitchen/living room/dining room. It is also a mess... as always. I just can't do it

3) Make an appointment with the podiatrist. This one I should really do, since my foot still seems to be messed up and it's been almost a week. Maybe give it a few more days... I still have a lot of 800 mg Ibuprofen left in that bottle...

4) Oil change. This should have been done almost 1000 miles ago, also something I REALLY need to get done... maybe Tuesday?

4.5) Spend more time with my family. I don't see anyone as much as I'd like to...

5) Start volunteering at the hospital. This is something I've wanted to start doing for a while... then I figured I should wait until I have a more solid work schedule because they ask when you're available. HELLO I'm VOLUNTEERING, why are you so picky?! I know, I know, I shouldn't be so rude. Now, I have a set schedule at work (for the most part) so I should be able to tell them when I'm available.

6) Take the ASSET test. Yeah I know, I've been in college for about 4 years now... and I have no degree... really I have nothing to show for it... Except that I know I want to be a doctor, I just have to get my butt in gear and start working on it. In order to do that, I need to take a plethora of science and math classes. Did I mention I need to take the ASSET test?

7) Get some MCAT prep stuff... It's never to early to prepare...

8) Plant a money tree. Eric's school is expensive. Med school is expensive. I don't want to be up to my ears in student loans making 20k for the first few years as an intern/resident/fellow....

9) Plan WOLF meeting. This is work related, and I shouldn't think about it outside of work... but there's only 40 hours I can work in a week... and I don't have time when I'm there...

10) Sleep??? I need more sleep... or less sleep so I can get more done.

11) Figure out a way to add hours to the day in case I decide I want more sleep rather than less (I'm really leaning that way)

Lalalala I'm going to play with my nephew aka Mr Adorable Pants

Leaving on a jet plane

Blogging at you live from Sky Harbor today. What an exciting journey our vacation has been thus far, and we aren't even on the plane yet! We left the house a little late this morning, but still got to Brent's on time. I think this airport needs to come up with e better system for security checks with people in wheelchairs. Perhaps they should have their own line. We had the great fortune of being in the combined line of wheelers and walkers. We weren't really sure if we were cutting anyone or what was going on... It took us about 20 minutes to get through that portion of the line, after showing our boarding passes and IDs to the guy at the podium. Good times. I felt really uncomfortable taking my flippers off and walking on the nasty carpet barefoot where other people have had their disgustingly sweaty socks. Tinea pedis anyone?! No thanks! They also made me put my half ounce of hand sanitizer in a plastic ziplock bag. Seriously, you can't inspect my little bottle of hand sanitizer unless its in a plastic bag? Whatever I have to do I guess...

Now we're just sitting at the gate, waiting. Our flight isn't until 9:40, so we have quite a bit of time. Eric is in line as I write this, buying me some Cinnabon and himself a Nathan's hot dog. I personally do not think a hot dog is proper breakfast, but to each his own. I'm just glad I was able to feed my habit and get on the internet at the airport. Thank you, modern technology!

At the Clinic

"James, a 36-year-old engineer, appeared at the clinic in an extremely debilitated condition. He had purple-brown lesions on his skin and a persistent cough. A physical examination revealed swollen lymph nodes. Laboratory tests revealed a low lymphocyte count. Information taken during the personal history revealed that James is a homosexual. The skin lesions proved to be evidence of Kaposi's sarcoma. What is James's problem?"

If you thought his problem was that he's an engineer you would be wrong. He is suffering from acquired immune deficiency syndrome, or AIDS. Poor guy, he's going to die. But, I guess we all have to go someday.

"About six months after an automobile accident in which her neck was severely lacerated, a young woman comes to the clinic for a routine checkup. Visual examination shows a slight swelling just inferior to her larynx; her skin is dry and her face is puffy. When questioned, the woman reports that she fatigues easily, has been gaining weight, and her hair is falling out. What do you think is wrong?"

A woman was driving a car, she got in an accident. Menstruation is causing her other "symptoms." She's tired because of it, and she has been eating lots of chocolate which is causing her weight gain. Plus, she is going crazy from the hormones and has been pulling out her hair. The dry skin is from lack of lotion, and her face is puffy from excessive crying.

The real issue, unfortunately, is hypothyroidism from the trauma which is causing her to exhibit an autoimmune reaction to formerly "hidden antigens" in the thyroid gland colloid.

"Use of birth control pills decreases the acidity of the vaginal tract. Why might this increase the incidence of vaginal infection (vaginitis)?"

Well, because she's on the pill, Jane feels that she can have sex with whomever she wants as often as she wants. Thus, the probability of getting an infection increases.

The real answer: The acidity of the vaginal tract inhibits bacterial growth. Hence, anything that decreases vaginal acidity provides an opportunity for bacterial proliferation and vaginal inflammation.

"Patty Hourihan is a strict environmentalist and a new mother. Although she is very much against using disposable diapers, she is frustrated by the fact that her infant breaks out in a diaper rash when she uses cloth diapers. Considering that new cloth diapers do not cause the rash, but washed ones do, what do you think the problem is?"

Patty is a hippie and thinks that her child should run wild naked through the house. She is more concerned about the earth than her child's rear end. Patty should switch to disposable diapers immediately.

The real issue is that her child gets contact dermatitis likely caused by a reaction to the chemicals in the detergent used to launder the diapers. Time to switch to the organic stuff I suppose... Way to go Patty.

"A young man is rushed to the emergency room after fainting. HIs blood pressure is alarmingly low, and his companion reports the man collapsed shortly after being stung by a wasp. What has caused his hypotension? What treatment will be given immediately?"

The "young man" was smoking weed. He was high and thought it would be cool to play with a wasp... He passed out from eating too many "special" brownies.

Actually, anaphylactic shock caused his hypotension. They should inject him with epinephrine STAT

I feel dum...b

I've wasted the past week... Haven't done nearly enough studying... I'm sitting here taking practice quizzes and tests from my text book software and I'm feeling like I've forgotten everything I learned the past eight weeks. Where's the epiglottis?! What does it do again?! What is this muscle in my mouth that is used to push food around while I chew?! What's the formula for teeth?! What is a macrophage?! AHHHHH ... This is simply an exaggeration... I'm freaking out a little, though. I'm glad I have an extra week to study because I certainly wouldn't be ready tomorrow for this silly final. Who would like to help me study?! I have the day off tomorrow and that's ALL I will be doing, from 7 am until whenever I fall asleep on my books. Please... anyone... ??